if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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