Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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