I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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