i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
We don't watch enough power rangers
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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