How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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