New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
