i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
it's like heaven, but drunker
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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