there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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