Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
