Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
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He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
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He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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