No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
