just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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