I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
