He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I skipped work to stalk him.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
