Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
