took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
