You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
