hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
