He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
