What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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