Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
