oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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