$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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