i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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