he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
How's work?
Spinning.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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