She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
