I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
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My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
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What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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