Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just found puke in my bra..
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
