so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize