Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
