Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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