See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
