imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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