I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
