I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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