Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
