The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
The air was thick with penises
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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