Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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