i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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