Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
