I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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