i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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