So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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