Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
