Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Well I just put wine in my tea
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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