He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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