its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
