Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
