I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
