I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
