Well douche your snatch and let's go!
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
