i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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