From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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