Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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