butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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