i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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