please come you make the beer taste better
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
