so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
